So, your kid is on Facebook and they've "friended" you and assigned you to the online equivalent of a dead letter box because you're on a friend list that's probably called "Parents Suck" and you never, ever see any postings eventhough beloved child is spending five hours a day feeding the Facebook machine.
You're pissed off and want the two guys in the picture to the left to help you out. They have post-its. They have sharpies in a rainbow of colors. They have a white board and a Moleskine notebook. And their physiognomy belies too much time in front of their mulit-monitor displays. (As if I don't live in a glass house.)
Bethatasitmay, the New York Times spills some big ink on services paranoid and cautious parents can use to help ensure their little ones are playing nicely on the net. It's an interesting and compelling idea but let me show you this extract that sums up the reporter's findings:
The companies charge for subscriptions; the lowest costs $10 a month or $100 a year. For harried parents, the question is: Are they worth it?
Certainly not for people who are Web-savvy. The services gather data that can be freely collected with a bit of ardent Web searching.
Okay? Feel better? No? Neither do I. As someone who is, by any measure, "web savvy," I won't embarrass myself by sharing with you exactly how much I'd be willing to pay for an effective service. Instead, I will share with you what I believe to be effective parenting on this issue:
1. Does your kid really, really need a computer or want a computer? Wouldn't a nice, powerful desktop with a ass-kicking display centrally located in, say, the kitchen where the parent can parent by watching what's crossing the screen when the kid is online. Let me share this Received Wisdom with you: If you give your kid a computer, you need to understand that you will have very little control over what happens next. As much as the makers of NetNanny would like you to believe otherwise, it is not a solution. Best case, it's a warning system. Worst case, it is an investment your kid will overturn using well-documented cracks and hacks.
Or, let's say you're a real mastermind and you've taken your Linksys router and re-imaged it with the fabulous software known as dd-wrt (highly recommended) and this software let's you manage, down to the last inch, what websites your kids can access and when. And that slapping sound you hear is you patting yourself on your back. Yeah. Even that doesn't work because four of your neighbors are running open access points you kid can see from her room.
No. Bestowing a computer to your kid is squeezing out all the toothpaste from the tube and you already know it isn't going back in.
2. Let's say that your kid really needs to Facebook or run the risk of becoming a social pariah or merely stunted. Then, what you need to somehow manage (and good luck with this) is to somehow make sure that you can see what your kid is doing from your own Facebook account. I describe above how your kid can shut you out by putting you on a friends list that's the equivalent of a gulag in Siberia. But that's where you're going to have to figure out how to parent through this knothole. My experience indicates this situation leads to confrontation and / or your kid retreating ever deeper and further behind the privacy settings Facebook is actually improving. Her ability to screen her Facebook from strangers is the same way she will hide from you, dear. Remember, she's probably just as good as you are with these tools, if not better.
3. Life abhors vacuums and boredom is a huge vacuum that is Quite Easily Filled with the Infinite Internet. A vacuum is probably symptomatic of some sort of parenting gap that can be spanned with chores, outside activities (gardening?), the library (even if they do have online workstations) and sports. How about homework? Extra credit assignments? A hobby like model building? Skateboarding? I know, a part-time job! --You get the picture.
Because some of you know me, you know that I'm not writing to you from some Perfect Perch where I've untangled all these issues. However, I've thought about this issue probably more than you have and I have experience born from running down all sorts of dark alleys and dead end streets on this information superhighway. These perambulations haven't made me any smarter, but I certainly know what the garbage smells like.
Okay?